Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
