I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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