ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
