remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
