You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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