Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
