Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
