So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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