3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It's Friday. Sex?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
