The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
