i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just want to make out with him forever
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
