it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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