The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
