Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
