1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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