There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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