Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
