even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
only you would photoshop your dick
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
