I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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