My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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