I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize