I feel great
I just peed on a car
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
