Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
