Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
