I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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