we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
