Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
