Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
