I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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