what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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