theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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