they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
