Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
