My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
