Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
