At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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