jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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