Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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