no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize