Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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