i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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