please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
