About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
