moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
