Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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