my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
