I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
