im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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