Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
