we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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