At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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