How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
