Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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