she woke up with a sticky ear
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
