nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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