All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
