He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
