so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
