Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
