Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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