When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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