Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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