Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
