im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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